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SEASON 2, EPISODE 1: SEASON 2 PREMIERE! INTERACTIVE! Joystick controls Wesley's left ear!
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Narrator: Some epic news music begins playing. Stills of nearby forum sub-sections, such as General Chat and Wisdom Discussion, can be seen. An amazing graphic animation is displayed, showing the C9N Title. Channel Nine News; live from C9N HQ with Wesley Myers, Ralph Ziggles, and Dxthegod.
Wesley: --NG OF THE UNIVERSE? I WORK VERY HARD TO GET WHERE I AM!!! Mr. Ziggles: HARD WORK... YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HARD WORK IS!!! Dxthegod: I WAS FROZEN TODAY!!!! Narrator: . . . . . . Narratorrator: The Narrator himself was speechless as to what to say about the current subje--- Narratorratorrator: Before the Narratorrator could finish his sentence, his head explo--- Narratorratorratorrattor: Before the Narratorratorrator could finish his sentenc--- Dxthegod: ALRIGHT, THIS HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH! A NARRATOR NARRATING A NARRATOR NARRATING A NARRATOR NARRATING A NARRATOR??? NARRATION!!! ...*ahem*... uh, so. Hello, and welcome to this episode of Channel 9 News. I'm your host, XDthegod. Today, we will take a look at some stories that are either interesting, or time consuming: Sports! Magical cookies! And more! But before we get into that... wait... this script looks identical to the very first episode's script... it even has that sticker on it that I got from that one banana I found underneath the toilet! And look, the coffee stain back from... whatever episode that was! WESLEY EUGENE MYERS, IF YOU HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS... Wesley: Now, I can explain that... Dxthegod: THAT'S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU! FROM THIS DAY FORTH, YOU'RE ON A DODECATOUPLE SECRET GROUNDATION!!! Mr. Ziggles: Wait, give 'im a minute to explain himse--- Dxthegod: DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE A CHILD!!! Mr. Ziggles: Uhh... OK then.... uh, so... Wesley: Hey... on the bright side, REUSING... the old script will really be a plus for the environment... ehhhh? Reduce.... REUSE... recycle? AAAHHH???? [gaurd][/gaurd] Mr. Ziggles: Riiiiiiight.... uh, so... are we... when are we... planning on ... starting this thing? Dxthegod: Soon enough. Wesley: But that's not SOON enough! Dxthegod: ...How 'bout now? All in favour say I... I! OH--, looks like it's a majority vote - unanimous decision, at that. Mr. Ziggles: ...But we didn't even--- Dxthegod: AAAAAAAAND WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, to Channel 9 News, where we tickle your funny bone into the next dimension. Welcome also, to the opener for Season 2--- Mr. Ziggles: ...TICKLE... your FUNNY BONE? Is THAT what you said? Dxthegod: Why, yes it is, Ralph. Mr. Ziggles: Uh... OK then... just... just making sure I heard right... Narrator: Ralph then proceeded to bury his face into his open palm, expressing disappointment in a rude gesture towards Dxthegod's, in Ralph's opinion, poor choice of words. Dxthegod: ...I CAN HEAR YOU, Y'KNOW?! .....[d][/d]....... So, where were we... uh... banana... coffee stain... protecting the environment... dodecatouple groundation... milk, eggs, butter---wait, that's the grocery list... uh... Ah, right. Welcome to the Season 2 opener of Channel Nine News, with the magic of Shizney. Mr. Ziggles: In this blockbuster event that is the Season 2 Premiere, we will be introducing a number of new segments, and replacing some old... less poplar ones. Wesley: Er... wait... popler? Mr. Ziggles: Don't look at me, I'm just reading the script... anyways, we have planned some new segments which will replace some... less poplar one---DAMMIT I SAID IT AGAIN!!! Ugh... some... less... POPULAR... ones.... there we go... Dxthegod: Third time's the charm. Mr. Ziggles: And we ho--- Wesley: That's what she said, Dx. Dxthegod: ...QUIET, WESLEY! Wesley: .....Back to you, Zig. Mr. Ziggles: *ahem* we hope you will find these new ideas ... a... improvement... to the already-bankrupt DX Industries Inc. Channel 9 News Franchi--- Dxthegod: Wait... WHAT? BANKRUPT??? SINCE WHEN!!!! Mr. Ziggles: Uh... did you not get the email? Dxthegod: Email... the last time I checked my emails was... how long ago... see, I don't even remember how long ago, THAT'S how long ago it was. Mr. Ziggles: Well, it turns out we owe FOX News nine thousand three hundred and seventy one dollars... Dxthegod: FOX NEWS?!?! WH--... ...THE FOX NEWS??? Mr. Ziggles: ...That is right. Dxthegod: ...WHAT'S THE FOX NEWS??? Mr. Ziggles: Uh....... yeeeaaaa..... well, I'm not even sure what happened, but yea, long story short... uh, y'know what... I'll explain later. We lost 10 minutes of runtime because we can't afford it anymore. Wesley: Wait... nine thousand three hundred and seventy one dollars? Mr. Ziggles: Correct - FOX News. Wesley: Wait, so... y'mean... Dxthegod: Yes, Wesley. Wesley: IT'S... Dxthegod: It's a bird! It's a plane! IT'S OVER EIGHT THOOOOUUUUSAAAAAANNNDDDD!!!!!!! Wesley: WHAT, NINE THOU--- wait... what? Dx, you didn't do it right! Dxthegod: Yes I did, Wesley... yes... I... did.
INTERVIEWS WITH WESLEY
Wesley: Well... this interview was pre-recorded... using my own video camera... because due to lack of funding we can't use our original camera... or original ... studio... thing... so uh, here it is... unedited... because we don't have enough money for the video editing software.... and Windows Movie Maker sucks.
Spoiler:
Wesley: Might I interest you in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Wesley: A deal which could change your life forever? Wesley: With a contract you get to sign with this shiny gold pen? hammerbro24: Um i'm actually denzel through hammerbro24: Wah? Wesley: I see... hammerbro24: Wha are you talking about? Maco25: :l hammerbro24: I don't knwo you through. Wesley: And... how does it feel to... um... hammerbro24: *know Wesley: be... named... denzel? Remilia Scarlet: >_> Maco25: stfu Remi Wesley: Yes... how does it feel to be named denzel? Maco25: damn side account >_> hammerbro24: Denzelharper and my future is about to make levels hammerbro24: And my auntie named me tha hammerbro24: I'm also a noob sir. hammerbro24: ANd people can make me angry easily sir. hammerbro24: There's you need to know now. Wesley: Yes, yes... Wesley: Umm..... hammerbro24: Btw how you been? Wesley: Excuse me, I believe I'M the one asking the questions... Wesley: I mean... Wesley: uh, good hammerbro24: Huh? Wesley: ...NOTHING... hammerbro24: Yeah seems like your DXthegod i can tell Wesley: Nonsense. Wesley: his SON, maybe Maco25: side account >_> hammerbro24: Because You take each turns of posting in shoutbox. Wesley: which might explain our...similar personalities Dxthegod: ....WESLEY, HE'S ON TO US hammerbro24: Dxthegod have a wife/Girlfriend? Wesley: Wouldn't it have made more sense to PM that... Maco25: Wait, did I say side account? I meant son. hammerbro24: So you his dad right? Maco25: Wesley is Dx's son. Dxthegod: what maco said. Wesley: .... ItsMeDag: Lol Dxthegod: ohai dag hammerbro24: Um wesley are you doing the news or wha? Wesley: Uh... maybe... ItsMeDag: Hai EcksDee
Wesley: Aaaaand, that's about all I got before the server crashed and my computer burst into flames. Back to you, Dx?
Dxthegod: Ouch... what an... unlucky break... ANYWAYS... uh, so... OK, we lied about having more segments for the show... QUICK GUYS, IMPROVISE! Wesley: HEY, THAT RHY-- Dxthegod: NOT NOW, WESLEY!!! Mr. Ziggles: Uh... how abo--- Dxthegod: MR. Z!!! WE'RE BUSY MAKING A CAREER THREATENING MOVE AND ALL YOU CAN THINK ABOUT IS DONUTS??? Mr. Ziggles: ....Yeaaa... I'm just gonna go ahead and... Dxthegod: I'M FED UP WITH YOU TWO!!! Narrator: Ralph proceeds to change the sign things on front of the desk Dx is at so it reads "What Really Grinds My Gears".
WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS With your host, Dxthegod
Dxthegod: EVERY SINGLE EPISODE! IT'S ALWAYS SOMETHING!!! You guys NEVER seem to be able to stay on task, you're always arguing, AND MY COFFEE IS STILL NOT MADE!!! I CAN'T FUNCTION WITHOUT MY COFFEE!!! HECK, BEFORE MY COFFEE, I'D BE LUCKY ENOUGH TO REMEMBER MY OWN NAME!!! I don't know WHY I EVEN BOTHER WITH THIS... Narrator: Dxthegod then slammed his fist down on the desk in rage, and span around a full three hundred and sixty degrees in his chair, noticing the sign on the wall behind him. Dxthegod: Uhh... and, uh... that's... what really grinds my gears. Wesley? ...Oh, also Touhou. Touhou grinds my gears as well. Wesley: (Nice cover!) ..Huh, what? Oh... hey... uhh... Dxthegod: Well... OH! To compensate for last episode's... "lack of content"... We give you... DUN DUHDUH DUUUUUNNNNNN......
TWENTY THINGS AT RANDOM
Spoiler:
GUESS THAT WORD Featuring the colourful performances of Tommy Toad and Ralph Ziggles. (Available in Hypnovision where available)
TODAY'S WORD: Disgusted
Tommy Toad: OK, uh... Mr. Ziggles: Is the word "disgusted"? Tommy Toad: ...Why... yes it is... how did you--... Mr. Ziggles: WELL, it's RIGHT THERE ON THE TELEPROMPTER... I mean, only an idiot would have missed that... Dxthegod: ...NO I'M... DOESN'T... uhh... NEXT SLIDE... er... SEGMENT!
JOKE OF THE DAY
Q: What did the salad dressing say to the fridge?
A:
"Close the door; I'm dressing!"
Dxthegod: Well folks, it looks like it's that time of the day again---
Dxthegod: So we'll leave you with the Video of the Day:
VIDEO OF THE DAY Today's video: "TFS Parody: Make A Man Out Of You"
Dxthegod: ...Well... that went a LOT better than I thought it would... aww... y'know... when you can't scratch... THAT'S when you REALLY gotta scratch... WHAT? WE'RE STILL ON???
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